the future

Before you read this post, play this song. Then start. Then do whatever.

I often picture my life as one that will be happy. When I think of the future I don’t see anything sad or unsettling. But the paradox here is, I am not an optimist at all. I’m just starting to see things I want.

Fashion is always an intrinsic part of how I conjure up my life. I will be doing something grasping, engaging and exciting. Maybe some PR, maybe some writing. Yes, I feel like sitting at the white wooden desk and writing with windows open and Kurt Vile songs.  

I have a hunch that  in the remote future, once I learn a lot, once I get smarter, I will write a  book about some unidentifiable thing. No idea – a slushy novel or some pseudo-existential diary. Whatever it may be, it is a thought I like it and the thought I’m afraid of.

I always think I will have enough money to pay for a nice flat with stacks of COS clothes and Juergen Teller & Corinne Day albums. If my book turns out a bestseller (how probable is that!), then it will happen. In the unlikely case it won’t, there will be two options for my pathetic self: to leave fashion dreams and change occupation or to commit a dramatic suicide. It actually sounds good, cause once I do that, a spiritual stranger somewhere out there may actually discover my extraordinary talent and the book will become a bestseller. Well, this is an amazing plan B for now.

But seriously, my hopes for making my future the right one, the best one are high. Don’t know what the chances are, don’t know how my ‘fate’ is destined to become . I know so little, my wishes are big.

See, how naïve I am. How funny to be like that. How bad would it be to get disappointed at some point in life. How great to keep waiting. It is all about waiting, isn’t it?