3/31/2017

on people




One of my spare times pleasures is browsing. For interviews and profiles, studio visits and opinions pieces. The market of indie press is flourishing, so one’s access to specific, themed information is even greater. I realise how many incredible people do exist.

Our humble lives will pass unnoticed and I’m not talking about people changing the course of history. I’m thinking of ordinary human beings, following their gut and passion, enchanted by simple, daily existence, appreciating life for mere opportunity to execute their own, small ventures. Once I thought: ‘it must be miserable without considerable achievements and awe’. I’ve completely reviewed my thinking, as I began to discern the beauty of common things. The freedom of freelancing, joy of writing, excitement when confronted with new projects. Grocery’s shopping and meeting my friends on Friday evenings, smoking cigarettes in the gardens of bistros and sharing carafes of wine.

I feel that happiness everyone’s pursuing lays in observation. Because it’s happening and it’s right next to us, but we refuse to see it. There are times our lives get complicated, we face problems difficult to solve, we lose things we love. Still, the permanence of true joys can be achieved via other people and not necessarily those closest to us.

When I read about a New York couple running their own design studio, while taking a stroll with their dog during lunch break, I lit. Similarly, as I get a chance to watch a short doc on an obscure architect explaining the concept behind his self-designed house somewhere in the middle of San Francisco, I’m amazed, because he’s living a good life filled with honesty and love for his profession, he was lucky enough to apply to his own surroundings. These people I find most inspiring and amidst my fear of ending up disappointed with myself, I realise, my own aspirations are quite simple. Isn’t it feasible to find my drive and follow it? Is there any indicator of success when your everyday living is motivated by exploration rather than material goals?

Although it’s probably not a general rule, I feel that the best comes to those who do not impatiently await it. Those who act and do and seek, until they find it, because their love of being on the road is way much greater than love of the final effect.

As I’m still trying to navigate through life, to pursue one’s path is probably easier than tracing it. I’m still not sure if my choices are right, but the quest for oneself appears as a great adventure when you come across examples of people, who took their time to find their way. And thoroughly enjoyed it.

3/22/2017

i shall never regret all the thoughts that went through my head





The amount of time spent on thinking Is unmeasurable. It’s an accumulation of weeks, months or even years we spend on ruminating different aspects of life. I wonder: where is it all leading? Any conclusion I’m going to reach was probably already realised by the world, so shall I rather just enjoy things and avoid overthinking?

The thing is that without discovering all universal truths by yourself, one’s life shall never be complete. I need to worry about the possibility that 10 years from now on, I might be my greatest disappointment or won’t yet see the Caribbean. I need to consider the injustice that I’ll never be able to live all those potential lives I’ve always wanted to experience – from being a surfer girl in Byron Bay to a lonesome writer in an apartment in Le Marais. There are so many things I find unfair and terrifying, so many regrets I have though my life is just starting. I’m a bubble of frustration powered by long nights of pondering.

One reason why I know it’s a blessing in disguise is a hope, at the bottom of my heart, the whole process will let me arrive at a point when I fully embrace things that were given exclusively to me.  My features, dreams and weaknesses. Long legs and messy hair. Impatience and ambition. I won’t reject the idea I deserve the best, because I will know I am not ideal, but I’m great. No, it’s not vanity that will take over me, rather, self-understanding. No matter where life takes us, it takes us as we are. No need to wonder – what am I doing here?

I am at the very beginning on my road to acceptance and self-love. Sometimes I even scold myself for being too preoccupied with my personality, as I might have exceeded all the limits of egoism.  But in then, we need to leave with ourselves first after we try to step into realities of those around. Being at ease in your own skin is a prerequisite to truly bring out your own potential and form happy relationships. It’s a work in progress and it’s constructive. No deadlines required. Just consistency and thinking that’ll lead to right conclusions.