what if

 

If human emotion was straightforward by its nature, I probably wouldn’t even start writing.

If human emotion was complicated by its nature, I probably wouldn’t even realise there is something to write about.

If one day I think I understood someone’s feeling, I’d scold myself for this easy, superficial thinking.

If one day I think I cannot comprehend someone’s feeling, I’d scold myself for not trying hard enough.

These paradoxes are intrinsic of human emotion. Once I thought the more you learn and the longer you exist on this planet, experience can make up for all the insufficient knowledge. I believed one can reach the point when he’s lived so much, he can see through people around. But as much as we are all individual, we are also enigmatic in a very own way. This is not a mystery we keep on purpose. How we act and what we show of ourselves to others is filtrated through a net composed of where we come from, what we’re dreaming of, what’ve seen. Sometimes, I like to think one’s mystery is better than other’s, but I know I’m wrong. Not everyone in this world will have the motivation to read those around like fascinating books. We will pass each other by, taking mere notice.

This is called solitude. But then, one day, a natural instinct will evoke something so compelling, we won’t be able to ignore it anymore. Those few people in our lives that we want to truly understand. Yet, once they appear on the blurred horizon, we are capable of thoroughly embracing a human emotion. It takes time, it takes courage. Still, without it, we’re just lonesome drifters.

It seems there is no rule to the game. The starting point never changes. I do not want to live in a belief I can understand everyone, no matter how long I’m here. I definitely can’t. What I want to do is to wait and watch. I want those few people to emerge from the crowd and I will take them and treasure like the most precious objects. It is a long endeavour, but I hope it will let me resist the superficial. I also hope it will continue to demonstrate that human feelings are most often just sparks and spurs of the moment. Those no one can ever fully grasp.