happiness is not a value but a state of comparison

 

Some words are phrased in ways so smart, they start to make you feel ditzy. When I read the paraphrase of Sylvia Whitman commenting on what Zadie Smith's literary message, I was swamped.

On hearing word 'happiness', I am automatically out of conversation. Trying to save myself from listening to mediocre life wisdom and pretentious reflections on other's traumas, I am sceptical about small talks on how to smile by changing own attitude.

Somewhere deep within, I know it all comes back to me and the zany states of my irrational mind, yet the element of comparison hit me. I started to analyse my ways of thinking founded on unconscious jealousy and unadmitted aspiration.

I am living the certain way now and I guess it is the way it is, because it was meant for me and no one else. Somehow, I feel more special now than half an hour ago.