9/25/2014

i look close and see nothing and that is frustrating




The closer I look at something, the more blurry it becomes. It is not just about the sense of sight; it is about our whole lives.

There are moments when I want to grasp so much and I end up understanding completely nothing. Sometimes I focus and I feel the idea or concept surpasses my intelligence. I want to be smart, who doesn’t? And then, I end up trying to take in all the information found, yet it doesn not soak into the grounds of my mind. There is a barricade inside my head that emerges at every moment of conscious concentration and openness. It is a house I am closed in and the doors are shut and windows closed and I cannot understand there are spaces unlimited.

This also applies to emotion. A blockade of feelings just right when I was about to absorb all from the outside – the colours and forms, the smell of wood and the softness of fabrics, the beauty and complete mediocrity.

And then I feel the grief growing on me. I start to think about the people, if they experience their own minds closing from them, separating the inner universe of their own selves. Seeing things vividly without looking might help and I need to try. If it helps I shall be relieved.

After a while, I realize life is simpler than that. No, it’s actually not. It should be.That’s something I need to accept.

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