my summer will be great, amazing, exquisite

This summer promises me something special. Loads of fashion experience. I could never ask for any better.

It’s time to leave wintery, reflexive mood and kindly accept what summer holds for me. And it holds a lot. Just next week I’ll start my job at the vintage shop in Camden. So exciting and so intimidating at the same time. Though my feelings for fashion are pure and vintage lays in my interest, there is always this unsettling thought ‘can I handle it?’ Well, probably putting clothes on the hangers is not as challenging as my dramatic question may suggest, but I want to derive from this experience and I want to give as much from myself as it is feasible. My egoistic and altruistic features clash. I hope they will be reconciled. 

But I'm not finished, it's not just it. With first summery days of June my internship for the fashion PR agency will start. For three long months. It is almost same excitement as for the vintage job (and this is not because the agency is located minute walk from Oxford Circus on the attic of an exquisite tenement house). It is even bigger fear. I want to show I am passionate, I want to show this is what I am destined to do. I want to merge with fashion at last. 

Probably more is yet to come. And with more I think of all these unexpected turns and tasks that await. Whatever  comes up, I impatiently look forward it. This summer is also my chance to fall in love with London. Blindly and deeply,With all its events and bright evening. With all its nature and concrete.

I want all these good and tough things to start and last and never to end. 

warsaw

Hi Warsaw,

I’m leaving you because I have to and because I want to. You are such a sad place for me. I struggled to think the other way. I can’t. I’m sorry.

You’re the contrast. The contrast of new and the old. The contrast of people who get on the tube with their iphones and those without a ticket. I don’t know where all of them come from, but they’re so different. It’s confusing, because you I’ve never been sure if I fit in here.

And when I walked down your streets I felt nothing is working. A Louis Vuitton shop next to KFC. Another contrast emerged. I could not make up my mind.

And although your culture is great, theatres, cinemas I’ve been to, I feel it’s the only thing that can be your defense. You seem to keep searching for your identity still. There are foreigners that come here for cheap fun. There are locals that seem so posh and confident although the only place they gather is French hip bar Charlotte.

I’m not coming back in the imminent future. But I will one day. To see how I feel after a break. After you change. After I change.

Take care,

X

people stare while i explore

Probably all of us experience that moment when people stare. They stare because they have a bad day or crave to seem more respectable than they really are, but sometimes they simply look because of your clothes. Maybe even style.

Instantly you can notice the reason. And the more confident you look, the more probable option is the vain one – you’re being admired. Why it happens? It is rather obvious your daily, no matter how cool outfit, will not revolutionize the fashion industry. But there is this one amazing explanation - so simple and so true.

Those who look, they constantly aspire. But to no avail. It is not the case of a low budget – it is just that some people can pull it off while others struggle but never reach this wonderful moment of self-acceptance stemming from the confidence that what you’re wearing is right. Such moments are indispensable in fact. How amazing it feels not to lose all your gut once you finally hit the street after a one minute walk from your flat’s door, where normally you’re already starting to feel desperate with your fashion choices.

People look and admire when you don’t need any assertions. When you can define own style. When you’re consistent. It is tough to achieve, but once this day comes you feel like you’ve fully explored another part of yourself. The fashion part.

the future

Before you read this post, play this song. Then start. Then do whatever.

I often picture my life as one that will be happy. When I think of the future I don’t see anything sad or unsettling. But the paradox here is, I am not an optimist at all. I’m just starting to see things I want.

Fashion is always an intrinsic part of how I conjure up my life. I will be doing something grasping, engaging and exciting. Maybe some PR, maybe some writing. Yes, I feel like sitting at the white wooden desk and writing with windows open and Kurt Vile songs.  

I have a hunch that  in the remote future, once I learn a lot, once I get smarter, I will write a  book about some unidentifiable thing. No idea – a slushy novel or some pseudo-existential diary. Whatever it may be, it is a thought I like it and the thought I’m afraid of.

I always think I will have enough money to pay for a nice flat with stacks of COS clothes and Juergen Teller & Corinne Day albums. If my book turns out a bestseller (how probable is that!), then it will happen. In the unlikely case it won’t, there will be two options for my pathetic self: to leave fashion dreams and change occupation or to commit a dramatic suicide. It actually sounds good, cause once I do that, a spiritual stranger somewhere out there may actually discover my extraordinary talent and the book will become a bestseller. Well, this is an amazing plan B for now.

But seriously, my hopes for making my future the right one, the best one are high. Don’t know what the chances are, don’t know how my ‘fate’ is destined to become . I know so little, my wishes are big.

See, how naïve I am. How funny to be like that. How bad would it be to get disappointed at some point in life. How great to keep waiting. It is all about waiting, isn’t it?

it's vintage, baby

My wardrobe does not brim with vintage pieces. For two reasons. Because my style is not exactly what would fall into vintage definition. Because what I appreciate about clothes is simplicity and minimalistic approach so hard to find in vintage clothing.

But my attitude towards all these vintage lovers is full of admiration and respect rather than indifference. Well, vintage is a tough cookie. It requires the awareness of what you’re wearing and how you make it work. It requires an eye for quality to avoid looking like an old-fashioned, sloppy type. It requires passion and understanding of the past.

Vintage can be even tougher, if you want to make it contemporary. How to mix things up without ending up  with a grotesque look? Where lays the desirable link between timelessness and modernity? As you probably notice, these are rhetorical question, which mean I will not be able to give you an answer.

That is why I love all these people taking the vintage challenge. And by vintage I do not constrain it to Rokit or Beyond Retro basement shops.  What I have in my mind are these tireless Brick Lane or second-hand outlets’ raiders, capable of spotting a truly amazing piece in a stack of Marks&Spencer oversized tees and unbranded, creepy men’s shirts.

Now, I truly want to know more about vintage. Not to transform my personal style which I’m eventually getting satisfied with (hurray), but to be able to talk about it and talk wisely.  I’m just at the mere start of exploring its world, but I bet it is worth it. Fashion is always worth it. Well, learning is always worth it. How wise that sounds?

spring come she will

Screw fashion for a while, let’s get some spring vibe. Well, although there’s no even slight sign of spring apart from London’s occasional sun, it’s kind of essential to get warm with some hot stuff. That’s what on the top of my ‘listen-to-survive’ list.

Simon & Garfunkel 'April Come She Will' (remix)

Isaac Hayes 'Hung Up On Me Baby'



Sonny & The Sunsets 'Dark Corners'



Freedom Fry 'With the New Crowd'



Thieves Like Us 'Forget Me Not'
 

'fashion is not as cool as you think, girl' wtf

A styling course seemed like a great idea. It turned out fine. It made me aware of what fashion can be.

Preparing a shoot? Sounds amazing. And it is. Grabbing around for clothes and making them work, pushing own boundaries, leaving your safety-zone and taking fashion risks was what I needed. I may not have pulled it all off. I may not have revolutionized the styling industry yet. But the only aspect that made this course a tough one was to observe that the average fashion industry persona is not a happy one.

I thought it is all too inspiring to grasp – styling, moodboard preparation, visiting PRs, writing. But whenever some speaker came to the session, he made me feel sad. The photographer on the shoot was sad. The model was sad. The studio was sad. No one felt any spark or excitement for this small fashion project. Everyone living it as a routine task, because that’s probably what this really was.

Anytime someone says fashion, I do not conjure up anything dull. I see great things, great ideas, great sources. But it turns out it’s hard to get them, so you can end up as a poor stylist doing tiny, uninspiring projects or as a contributor to a fashion bi-annual no one cares about. Even while typing these words, the excitement slowly vanishes and probably  once I finish this sentence I will stop writing for at least a month.

But I won’t do that for one reason. I still feel this unidentified stimulant that makes me excited about what fashion can bring. If this blog somehow survives my ups-and-downs and I will continue to care, it may turn out that in the next two or three years I will go back to this post and laugh at my passion and naivety. Now, when it is still out there, I want to believe what awaits me will be amazing and constantly inspiring. That’ s what I wish for, for me and for all of fashion buffs-to-be and buffs-to-revive-again.